Selling Myself Long

We are all familiar with the term "selling yourself short." If it wasn't your mom or kindergarten teacher calmly telling you not to "sell yourself short, you have all the knowledge in the world to tie bunny ears" when the frustration of not being able lace up your new runners was astronomical, than it may have been your high school soccer coach loudly yelling on the field "god damnit! Now don't sell yourself short out there!"(JV mind you) Either way, the mode of expression has been used regularly for quite some time with the intention of trying to persuade one to think they are not worthless but actually worthwhile.

I sold myself way too long today which is leading to a perpetual worthless feeling.

Like our faulty governmental system, my life has a tricky method of checks and balances. Reality never allows me to get away with...anything, quite frankly. Just when things couldn't get better, they get worse. Just when I think I am feeling great, I get sick. And just when I think I am super smart, I do something that is so moronic and idiotic, I retreat to a dark hole where every chubby middle school kid was during their 7th grade year. 

I have started studying for the GRE. My plans for graduate school have got me more excited than when we videotaped the entire 1996 summer Olympic games in Hotlanta. (Just ask my VCR how many times I rewound and rewound and rewound that tape.) Eager to do well (or just mediocre) I figured no time is better than now to crack the books. With an ever-extending 2 years out of college, I was surprised with how well I was flying through the analogy section. Admittedly, I LOVE this section as I tend to make analogies with every facet of my life. My theory is if you can relate something, anything, to various worldly aspects, than people will always see where you are coming from. 

Thriving on my 'similitude high' (similitude : analogy :: water : H20), I geared up for (what else?) yoga. It seems as though everything goes wrong on my way to yoga. It is when I finally make it there, that I can reflect on the shit that has hit that illusive fan and rationalize the meaning for my misfortune. So after rocking the analogy portion of the test, I couldn't help but think that people who say "the GRE is no joke"are just crazy. Maybe, just maybe, I am an actual genius and the GRE is in fact a big Joke. And I will prove it when I score an 800 (is that a possible score?) on the verbal section. All nonsense from a girl who is still reading a book she started in March.

Circa 6:53 pm; I am found backing out of my driveway, looking left, than to the right as I slowly accelerate making sure I am not hitting any animals, flowers or humans. While concerned with what I wasn't hitting, it never crosses my mind to be concerned with what I was going to hit. Looking straight back slips my mind. So easy to do. You know like how certain activities may just slip your mind.  Did you check the mail? Oh, oops, it just slipped my mind. Did you clean your room? Hmmm, dangit, that totally slipped my mind. Did send that life-saving vile of blood to the blood bank? Uhhh, it slipped my...Just Kidding.  Anyways, I merely bumped (crashed) into the neighbors identical car, which they mistakenly had parked on the street, in what I now call the line of fire. I thought I was a good driver? Driving : Jamie :: exercising : asthmatics, apparently not always the best combination.

Now whose fault is it that their car happens to be the same exact color as our tinted back window? Even if I had looked (and I did glance) long enough to validate open space, I am not so sure I would have seen it. They clearly should have thought that over prior to purchasing a house that is within 100 yards of any reverse-rolling vehicle driven by any of my family members.  I have to say, my track record isn't exactly clean here. I am thinking about posting a large warning sign or having a Kenwood Dr. meeting discussing the details of my driving rap sheet. That should likely keep the neighborhood quiet and car-free.

In high school, I had not one but two incidences, of hitting other cars while reversing....right in my driveway.  They were the same circumstance upon two separate cars about 2 weeks apart from each other.  Thousands of dollars later, one would hope that all my car reversing lessons would have been learned. But look who we are dealing with.

The damage assessed on Mike and Asia's Forest Green Lexus was a minor pebble in comparison to the boulder (sized) mark on my moms bumper. Good Grief! I hate this car...more than you know. My bank account is asking why I show it no mercy.  It is just a very sharp bone to swallow as I initiate a move to the most expensive city in the nation. Far too expensive to even think about ever driving a car again. For that I am actually smiling.

Instead of kayaking in beautiful East Canyon tomorrow, I will be spending the early morning discussing bumpers with The Dent Masters. I just hope that (since it will be over 90 degrees) their oil-streaked and chiseled abs are shirtless and glowing with sweat. Boys, don't ever sell that core class short!

So, I over estimated and sold myself long today.  It was a defective business transaction that is just a blip in my personal modus operandi of checks and balances. You see? The Princeton Review is taking immediate effect! My ego only gets the best of me for minutes at a time until, like a bird of prey, actuality and truth dive-bomb my little world. 

(You may think "Hmm fender benders aren't quite like having your eyes pecked out by a beak", but it's the first analogy that came to mind.)