Gotta get me some Melatonin

The night shift... a carcinogen.

I recently read a study conducted by Englands' National Health Service. It looked at the incidence of cancer in night shift workers and correlated the cause to suppression of Melatonin (also known as "the hormone of darkness"). You see, at night, when the sun is down and heads should be found resting on a pillow, your internal hormone production pumps this 'hormone of darkness' through the endocrine network, inducing a yawning domino effect. This is why people are (generally) tired at night and awake during the day. As nature intended, humans are a creature of daytime activity and nighttime snoozing. Its what is known as the circadian rhythm.

This poses a scary reality for the graveyard folk. This study shows that those who are awake at night and under the constant buzz of artificial light, have a much lower melatonin production thus throwing off the hormonal balance. Not only does this royally screw with sleeping patterns but melatonin is also known to suppress cancer growth. Less melatonin = less cancer fighting abilities.

Then of course there is also the problem that most night-shifters don't see the sun enough. We all know that the recommended daily dose of sunlight...for vitamin D production...is a must. Let's add that sleep deprivation slumps the bodies immune system, which is an MVP in warding off cancers. And it goes on and on. Of course, more research is necessary.

So in short...I am screwed.

Just three days ago I was up for 31 straight hours. My circadian rhythm has been placed directly into the garbage disposal. Even when exhaustion has hit me like an upper cut in the face, I still have a very challenging time falling asleep. I toss and turn. I turn and toss. It is excruciating. When I am awake and functioning in society, I notice that it is almost always under a constant haze. I never seem fully aware. More than once, I have caught myself having full-blown conversations with...myself...slightly confused about the situation. Hand gestures included. both times in broad daylight on the street.

When desperate, I will take a 5 mg (extra strength) melatonin supplement, natures remedy to insomnia...particularly when I am working to assure a well-rested RN. I love it. The strong stuff works immediately and I drift off. I try to use is as conservatively as possible. I can't be known as a "hormone of darkness" junkie. But what I have discovered is that it induces some crazy dreams. 

google calls them nightmares...see for yourself.

(A snippet of my dream yesterday)

I am in a very large vehicle, a suburban type, and it is slowly rolling down the street. There are houses one after another, side-by-side with green yards swarming with hundreds of people. American flags are swaying in the breeze and the people are waving to me in slow motion (my logic is that they are Mormon because there are no black people, they have the same face and most of them are kids). There is no one else in the car...I am alone...but not driving. The car is some how moving itself. Suddenly rows and rows of babies line the curbs...each of them hugging their neighbor baby. The car stops and I get out to pick one up, but they will not let go of each other. I turn to find a parent or responsible adult but see no one. I put the babies down, I get in the car and we drive off.

Flash forward to next scene. 

Now I am in a cave with cylinder shape holes in the tall dark walls. Again I am alone and I am attempting to repel down the wall. Fat juicy rats and squirmy mice start crawling through the openings.

Flash forward to next scene.

I am on a date with a tall, dark skinned man. We are at his apartment and I go to sit on the couch. I am not alone. His roommate is also sitting on the couch and his roommate is Adam Sandler.

Flash forward to next scene.

It is my wedding day and I am dressed in a beautiful gown. I guess I am marrying the tall, dark skinned man, but I am unsure and this really confuses me. My mom seems to be quite mad at me so she is not talking. My sister is not around because she is socializing with the guests. My bridesmaids are two girls that I am not really friends with and they are pushing me away from the mirror to put their own makeup on. Meanwhile, my hair looks greasy as if I just got done sweating a lot and my attempts to make it look better with bobby pins is failing. The whole time I am trying to recall the name of the man I am about to make the ultimate commitment to and it never comes to mind. I then realize...oh no...vows? I pull aside a friend of his...who I have never met and ask him if I am to write vows. He looks sacred by the desperation in my voice and answers...'yeah, I guess, that is what you do, right?'  I start to panic a bit. That is what I do?Do I do that? So I pull a paper towel out and start to write my vows for the man I apparently love and can't remember where we met, when we met, if he is funny, if I know his family, how long we dated.  I try to dig really deep but his face never comes into focus. 

And then I wake up. Nightmare? Borderline. First off, rows of babies hugging is some creepy business. They seemed premature and worm-like. Second, rats. Ewwwww. Third, getting married...to someone you don't know...when family is not there...with friends you don't like...in hair that looks like a buttery mess...and vows written on a paper towel? I have yet to have such a vivid dream turn to reality....it better be no indication of what my future holds.

And it wasn't the first. I would say it is one of many bizarre dreams surely induced by the disruption of my melatonin supply. 

As much as I love my night time coworkers, I am glad that I am on a 7 shift countdown. It was intriguing at first to be a night owl in a city that buzzes around the clock, but I am over it. How I long for early morning wake up calls and a non-carcinogenic schedule. 

What is keeping my head in the game is that in less than three weeks (17 days to be exact) I will be heading West towards one Big Island of Hawaii where I will gladly hang my stethoscope for 5 weeks and toss my melatonin pills in the big blue sea.  I will lay a towel on the sand, after riding a daytime wave, and soak in all the Vitamin D my white skin can handle. Perhaps I will eat breakfast in the morning and maybe even dinner in the evening. If all goes as planned, the conversations I have been having with myself can shift to wild turkeys who are much louder in response. 

Yes, I am strong. I can stand the carcinogen for a bit longer.