Delta Flight 1175

I had an interesting flight from Salt Lake to L.A. 

Upon boarding, I see one of my best friends parents sitting in the front row. I stop to talk for a bit, running through a quick 5 minute Q&A session on the latest of their growing family and the constant inconsistencies of mine, before I get herded to the back as the flight attendant was preparing for takeoff. 43F, a window seat, is where I plopped down, surprised that I had the whole row to myself. Hell yes. Nothing is better than a window seat when departing from Salt Lake City. The sky was clear and crystal blue with the Wasatch range, perfectly blanketed in white, in sight...obstacle free.

But the euphoria only lasted seconds as I see an older couple rushing on board and hustling to my side. The man looked warm. Not kind and adorable, but literally warm, hot...not cold. He was dressed in a purple flannel and plaid button up which covered a very high white turtleneck. His mustache was neatly trimmed and highlighted his thinning chin strap. I immediately noticed he was a strong nose breather.  I bet he is a sweat-er. I started sweating just watching him stow his baggage.

His wife, followed closely behind him and looked like she had spent too many years in the direct gaze of the sun. She was prematurely wrinkly, a vision that was an immediate motivation to up my SPF dosage. Her hair was sculpted into a messy half ponytail and rainbows glittered against the cabin ceiling as light reflected off her blingin' jewels, I only imagined they were weighing her hands down tremendously.

Before the two even had their seat belts fastened, the arguing began.

"William! I can't believe that you would say something like that to me! I am not mean, I am not even rude to you and you talk to me like that! After all that bullshit we just went through. You are lucky that I am as patient as I am."

"Oh don't give me that! I needed to send that email. It was my project and you just can't help sticking your nose into my business! You nosy little twit."

Their voices were loud. So loud that I couldn't even hear the announcements over the speaker. I pretended to read my magazine... 

"You spent 4 goddamn hours trying to send that shit. On dial up? Had you sent it from AOL, it would have gone through and that is all I was suggesting. Any person on earth, in fact you ask anyone on this plane and I am positive they would have told you to try AOL. After 4 goddamn hours! And I can't believe your behavior at the party last night. You were not nice to me!"

"Well, I was merely giving you feedback. You wouldn't shut up about your birthday and I know the guests were sick of you. No one will come over anymore if you pull that shit."

"Sick of me! No, they were sick of your negativity!"

"My negativity! Give me one example of my negativity!"

"Ok, how about the time you...."

And so it went for 1 hour. They seemed to have no qualms that they were screaming at each other in the company of a full flight. I wondered if they felt awkward with strangers all up in their business or if this is just how they argue; in public. Often their 'discussion' turned muffled when William would address his not-so-stable wife face-to-face and I couldn't quite make out what they were bantering about. After the first fifteen minutes, I was over the annoyance and had moved onto the intrigue. I wanted to get to the bottom why she was so mad at William. Why was William so annoyed with her behavior? Was she Bipolar? So I slumped a bit and inched my ear closer to the nucleus. 

"Example #2, you wanted examples boy, so I am giving them to you. Example number two is you never acknowledge when you are wrong. You always think you are right which just isn't true."

The heat in her voice was ablaze. Although his was loud, he remained calm and collected. And she just kept going...

"We wasted all day so you could send that slow ass email. Your mother was irate...we were 6 hours late to her house! Imagine how she felt!"

William just stared straight ahead, a blank look in his eyes. I speculated that this was his meditation pose, tuning out the screeching voice.

"Example number 3...You never validate the positive things I suggest. I have good ideas too you know."

William finally clues in...and rebuttals.

"Let me tell you something. You don't let people finish their thoughts. You talk and talk and talk but you never let others pitch in. It is an aspect I can not stand about you. You need to listen when others speak."

I couldn't agree more! Stop cutting him off! I suddenly was on team William. I could sense the hurt in her face, this had struck a nerve. 

"This is the only constructive criticism I have heard William..."

A few moments pass. William reached into the pocket of his seat and pulled out two wrapped chocolate chip cookies. He handed one to his wife and they both stripped the plastic off their treat slowly and silently. I needed to use the bathroom but didn't want to disturb the first moment of peace since boarding so I patiently waited. Then when William popped the last bite into his mouth, I turn to make my move.

"Would you mind terribly if I snuck out?", I said getting my first eye contact with the couple. 

"I wouldn't mind at all," he smiles.

I expected them to stand up and move to the side, like normal people, but they simply shifted their hips and legs to the left. I half chuckled as I assumed they would move no further. Really? But I am old? I wondered if I would ever outgrow this maneuver, stepping over adults, using the armrest and seats as props as if I was in a playground. I glided into the aisle and scooted to the lavatory, luckily without a roundhouse kick to one of their faces.

When I returned, again I expected an attempt to make my re-seat easy, but they remained still. My right leg lifts high into the air as my cowboy boot gently lands in the small crevice aside Williams left leg. I reach my arms forward and in a rock-climb grasp, I grip the plastic knobs that decorate the ceiling. My other leg shortly follows as I stealthily make my way back to the beloved window seat, my knees bundled to my chest. Williams face lights up and asks if I am a real life cowgirl.

I didn't know what to say. Eww William. What a weird question. Suddenly, I no longer cared who won the fight. You are on your own buddy.

And as if my bathroom break had been the consolation they needed, William and the wife whose name was never mentioned (or screamed rather) were carrying on a civil conversation.

"Do you remember where we parked? I hope the keys didn't fall out of my bag,"she grins. 

"Yeah, I think it is in lot B." His fingers now tapping her knee instead clenched tight in a fist.

She hadn't finished eating her cookie and as she nibbled on the corner of it, I saw her break a little piece off and pass it to William, the very man who thinks she talks too much. He took it graciously and even leaned his head into her shoulder.

As I glanced out over the glowing red rock that surfaced the rocky hills of California, I smiled thinking how funny it is to witness the worst and best moments of complete strangers. These people were no doubt strange, and as William tried to carry on more conversation with me, his bizarreness grew. I even smelled something offensive in his breath and a chill covered my skin as his exhales forcefully left his nostrils. But, it made me appreciate how easily they were willing to put the negative and annoying antics behind them. Good idea. I thought. Leave that baggage behind, leave it in the past...at least for the remainder of this flight.

An appropriate perspective, I think, as we fly into a brand new year...